THE WRIGHT PAGES

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CLIENT: Nickelodeon
PROJECT: The Wright Pages (in-flight magazine parody)
appeared in Nickelodeon Magazine

BODY COPY:

The Wright Pages
Your In-Flight Companion to Wilbur and Orville’s First Flight

Welcome to the world’s first power-driven airplane flight. Your pilots today are Orville and Wilbur Wright. Here’s some information about the trip:

TODAY’S FLIGHT FROM KITTY HAWK, NORTH CAROLINA TO KITTY HAWK, NORTH CAROLINA

Projected Flight Distance: 120 feet
Estimated Time of Arrival: 12 seconds after takeoff
Projected Altitude: 10 feet, hopefully
The Weather At Your Destination: The weather 120 feet from here is the same as the weather here, only it will happen a few seconds earlier (or later, depending on which way the wind is blowing).

YOUR ROUTE FROM POINT A TO POINT B
Don’t blink or you’ll miss:
-A rock that looks kind of like a big bottom
-A stick fetched by Dingles the dog, but never returned to his owner
-A midsize hole where Petey Dunwoody buried some treasure

IN-FLIGHT SERVICES
RESTROOM: Any emergency bodily functions may be performed in the outhouse found on the left wing (or in your pants if it’s a real emergency)
Seat Belts: We haven’t invented seat belts yet, but feel free to use the baling twine located in the seat pocket in front of you

FOOD and BEVERAGE SERVICE: You will likely have time to eat only three peanuts, and you may not be able to keep them down. We’ll try to get the bottle of sarsaparilla open before landing, but don’t count on it.

IN-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT: The pilots have offered to sing the first verse of “Ida, Sweet as Apple Cider” if it doesn’t interfere with their duties.

Q&A with W&O
We got Wilbur and Orville Wright to take a break from inventing the airplane to talk to us.

THE WRIGHT PAGES: How did you come up with the idea to invent a flying machine?
WILBUR: Like birds, we thought it would be fun to fly around and poop on people’s heads.

WP: Is it true that your flying machine is powered by fairies?
ORVILLE: Don’t be ridiculous. They’re pixies.

WP: What are you anticipating most about your first flight?
WILBUR: We can’t wait to see what’s in our neighbor’s back yard. He has a very tall fence, so all we know is that is smells like a thousand rotten ham sandwiches over there.

WP: What are your hopes for the future of air travel?
ORVILLE: We hope it becomes so popular that people have to wait in line for three hours just to get on an airplane.

SKY SHOPPE

Frequent Flyer Inches. Perhaps by the time you’ve earned enough inches to visit dear old Aunt Rubydell in Muskogee, Oklahoma, we will have figured out how to fly that far.

Capture the breathtaking moments of your trip with the new Film Midget portable travel camera. At 24 cubic feet, it only takes up 91% of your suitcase!

Nev-R-Lose Brand Luggage. Each trunk and case comes with its own parrot, trained to repeat your home address and destination.